Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
