Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The power of my boobs compel you
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
