i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
