Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
