In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
