someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
