Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Vodka?
Forever.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
