He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize