you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize