i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
