Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize