hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize