just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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