it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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