Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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