if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
