I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize