it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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