Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My dick has a subreddit
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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