I seem to have left my pride at pride
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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