It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize