Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
