Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
