if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
