I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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