I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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