so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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