Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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