I hate all girls vehemently.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
