Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
