I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
