I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
