He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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