I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
