so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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