I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think my fart just growled at me.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
