Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
