I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
