Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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