ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
