All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
