My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
