dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
