I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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