You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
