haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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