He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
