I cannot find my penis.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
