And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
