$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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