I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
