i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
