I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
