so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
