Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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