Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
