i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
