i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
