Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
