I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
