I'm gonna have a badass scar
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
only if we run a train.
done.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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