so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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