Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize