Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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